


Idfc

by tyrannuspitcch



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrannuspitcch/pseuds/tyrannuspitcch
Summary: It is their last year at Watford. Few months after Simon defeated the Insidious Humdrum. But Simon isn't studying at Watford.He can't, because he lost his magic. Mrs.Bunce allowed him to stay there with Baz and Penny. But Simon is fucked. He can't deal with the fact that his magic is gone. And then things get complicated again. What if Simon didn't really defeated Humdrum? What if Simon and Baz have more enemies than they though? And what if there is a way Simon can get his magic back?
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, if you spot any mistake just tell me and I will correct it. Also let me know in the comments what do you think about first chapter if you want, I would be really happy:)

Simon

I'm lying in my bed with my eyes closed. The sun is shining through the curtains and it's interrupting me. I want to sleep but I can't because of that damn sun. 

It's exactly 1pm. Baz and Penny are still having lessons right now, but it should end in few minutes. 

Even though the sun is shining, it is freezing outside. Baz is really lucky because he can't feel cold. He is always making fun of me when we are out and I'm shaking and cursing how much I hate winter. But let's be honest, there isn't a situation when Baz isn't sarcastic or making fun of me. 

I stand up and walk to the window. Lawns are covered in snow and so are trees and buildings. Everything is covered in snow. I like how it looks, but I don't like how it feels. 

I don't know for how long I was looking out of the window, when I heard the door open. 

I turn around to face Baz and Penny.

Penny is smiling and on Baz's face you can see only his usual bored expression.

Baz and Penny are my only friends. Well, Baz is actually my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel like he is more than my boyfriend. (If there is something more). 

"How was your day, Snow?" Baz asks. His face is as pale as it usually is. He is looking at me and a small smile is playing on his lips. 

I don't answer I just come closer to him and hug him. It is really good to feel his cold body pressed against mine after the whole day. Sometimes it is all I need. 

"Did you miss me, Snow?" he asks and I just smile, then I look at Penny. She looks bored and while me and Baz were hugging, she sat down on Baz's bed, which is also my bed because I haven't sleep in my bed since we came. I can't sleep in my bed because it reminds me of times when I had my magic. 

Now it is all gone. And it's slowly destroying me. Even though I never really knew how to properly use my magic, without it I feel so fucking empty. 

Sometimes I can't sleep at night, I'm just crying and hating myself so much. The worst thing about it is that Baz and Penny do not understand it. They have their magic. They will never understand. 

I'm powerless. And I feel lost and empty. I feel like I'm just a disappointment to whole world of mages. Penny and Baz are always telling me that I actually saved everyone. But all I did was that I cleaned my own mess. 

And I killed the Mage. The only person who has ever been interested in me. 

Well, now I have Baz, but this is different. 

"Hey, Simon, are you okay?" penny asks. I can feel tears falling down my face. Fuck. I can't cry right now. 

"Yes," I mutter and then I give her convincing smile. But I know that I haven't deceived her with that. She knows me too well. And so does Baz. 

"Okay, Snow. Get ready. We are going for a walk right now," Baz says and then he wipe my tears with his finger. 

"No, Baz. Don't.. " I start but Baz interrupts me. 

"I'm not going to argue with you. You have spent whole days in this room so you are going for a walk right now with us," and then he takes my hand and pulls my toward him. 

I sigh but I follow him and Penny downstairs. And then an amazing idea hits me. 

"Hey, Baz, can we visit Ebb's grave?" I bite my lip while looking to Baz's eyes. His eyes are so beautiful. And not only his eyes. Everything about him is beatiful. 

"Well.. I guess we can," he says and looks at Penny. She nods and smile a little. 

So here we are, walking to the Wavering woods in the middle of February when it is freezing outiside. I'm holding Baz's hand and I'm sure that his hand is even colder than air. 

When we get into forest, I let Baz's hand go. I can feel he and Penny are watching me but I don't care. 

"Well.. Uhm.. Can I just.. "

"Do you wanna be alone with her?" Penny asks and I nod.,,Okay, but be back in ten minutes," she says. Baz is frowning right now, he doesn't like the idea of leaving me alone in the Wavering Woods. But he doesn't argue with Penny which is good. 

I get to Ebb's grave in three minutes. I stand for five more minutes and then I want to get back to Penny and Baz, but something stops me. It is a hand. Very cold hand. It is even colder than Baz's hand. 

I almost shriek. Then I turn around and I'm facing Ebb.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for grammar or spelling mistakes, if you spot any feel free to tell me and I will correct it:)

Baz

I know there is something wrong with Simon. I noticed it earlier but it's getting worse with every following day. I know he is broken because he lost his magic and now he can't deal with it. I feel sorry for him. I don't know how to help him. I can't bring his magic back and this seems like the only thing which would help him. 

I'm leaning against a tree, watching Penny trying to cast some new spell. 

My head hurts. It's probably because of the lack of sleep. I haven't sleep properly for five days because of Simon. He has terrible nightmares and he usually wakes up crying, shaking and screaming. And some nights he doesn't even sleep. I don't need as much sleep as Simon do, because I'm a vampire. But I need to sleep at least four or five hours every night. 

Penny told me she could stay with Simon at night instead of me, but I disagreed. I'm the one who caused him those nightmares. So I'm gonna help him get through it. 

,,Isn't he gone for too long?" Penny asks me and I sigh and then I nod. 

,,I'll go and find him," I state while trying not to look at this terrible sun which is shining like it was middle of summer. I hate sun. Not because I'm a vampire, the sun does nothing to vampires. I don't know why everyone thinks it does. 

When I walk deeper into the forest, the sunlight doesn't go through the top of trees, which is good. 

I stop when I reach Ebb's grave, but Simon is not there. I sigh and look around, but all I see are trees and grass covered with snow. I want to scream his name, but then I realize if there is anyone trying to kidnap him, I can't let him know I'm here looking for him. 

I take out my wand and silently whisper. show me your hiding place. 

But nothing happens. I sigh again and walk even deeper into the forest. 

And then I see him, he's lying on the ground with his face in snow. 

,,Can't get enough of yourself, Snow?" I note and raise my eyebrow. He quickly stands up and I can see his eyes are red and swollen. I bite my lip and come closer to him. I worry about him. I always do. ,,Hey, are you okay?"

,,Everything is fine, Baz. I just... I stumbled," he mutters and smile a little bit. His smile doesn't look persuasively. I can see he's really nervous, he's almost shaking. His face is pale like he has seen a ghost or something. I would say like he has seen a vampire, but he's looking at one so nevermind. 

,,I think we should go, Snow. It's cold outside. I don't want you to get sick," I say and I lower my voice a little bit.

,,Yea, Penny's waiting for us,'' he mumbles while his eyes are suspiciously looking around us. I frown and take his hand in mine. 

,,Is anything wrong?" I ask, not really hoping for him to tell me the truth. And of course he doesn't. He just shakes his head and squezzes my hand a little. 

And then we walk out of the forest in silence, the only noise we hear is a wind blowing into tree crowns. 

,,Where were you, guys? I was so scared, don't do this to me ever again. If you want to fuck just tell me I will leave you alone," Penny says, frowning. I raise my eyebrow and look at Simon, but he's looking behind Penny's back, his eyes are empty. He is still pale, even paler than me. And he's silent which is weird, because Simon Snow can't keep his mouth shut for five minutes. 

,,Okay. I think we can go back to our room," I state and both of them nod. 

,,I'll go to my room guys, see you at breakfast. I have some work to do," she smiles, then she hugs Simon and he hugs her back. ,,Bye, Baz."

Penny never hugs me. I don't care, she is probably scared of me like everyone. Well, actually there are two types of people. People either wanna fuck me or slap me hard in the face. I can't decide which one is Simon. 

When we get to our room, there is something wrong. At first I don't know what, but then I look at candle on Simon's desk and there's also a piece of paper. 

Simon frowns and takes it. Then he frowns even more. 

,,What's that, Snow?" I come closer to him. He gives it to me and I rip it out from his hands. 

Dear Simon Snow.   
I know you desparately want to have something you can not have.   
And maybe I can help you. And maybe not. It's all up to you.   
We can meet tonight at midnight at the White Chapel. I'll be waiting for you.   
Please, be alone. Leave your little vampire boyfriend at home. 

,,I hope you're not even thinking about it," I say with a serious expression on my face. 

,,Don't worry, Baz," he says and he takes the candle. He wants to blow it out, but I'm faster with my wand. Back off. 

,,That's a weird spell for blowing candle out," Simon says. 

,,Not weirder than you," I smirk. 

Snow hugs me. I smile and press him closer to me. His hair smells so good. And he's so little compared to me. I absolutely love it. 

Simon

While hugging Baz, all I can think about is that piece of paper, which is now lying on the floor. 

I know what he means. He means magic. I have to go there. I want my magic back so badly. And Baz won't stop me. I have an amazing plan how to do it. 

I'm not sure if sleeping pills are working on vampires too, but I have to try. Penny's mum gave me some after I defeated the Humdrum. I couldn't sleep. 

While Baz is in shower, I quickly smash three of them. I don't wanna kill him, but he must sleep all night so I can go to the White Chapel. 

I put the powder into his cup of tea. He will drink it and he will never find out. 

I love him. But sometimes he's too protective. And right now I really don't need it.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so if you spot any mistake just let me know and I will correct it.

Simon

It is almost midnight when Baz finally falls asleep.

Right now I'm feeling really bad about what I did to him. But there's no way back now. I have to do it because I have already started.

It's cold outside, I can see snowflakes falling down on the ground. It's freezing, my hands are shaking and I can feel cold wind blowing into my face. It's so dark, I barely see my fingers when I look down at my hands.

But I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm scared what will come next. Who is the stranger who sent me a letter? Is he or she dangerous? Maybe it's not even a person. Maybe it's a monster.

I hear steps. I can tell that the person is really close to me. If I had my magic and my wand, I would conjure a light. But I'm not a mage anymore, so all I can do is wait and hope it's someone good.

The rays of blue light spread around us and I finally see the person whose steps I heard before.

It's Agatha.

She pops her eyes when she looks at me.

"Hey.. Simon, what are you doing here at midnight? Aren't you supossed to be with your vampire boyfriend?" she raises her eyebrow. I frown and come closer to her.

Her hair are glowing in the light of blue ball which Agatha is holding. Her eyes are red and puffy, but I didn't hear any sign of the fact that she was crying while she was speaking.

"Hey.. Are you okay?" I ask gently.

"Stop act like you care," she hisses. I can see she's really angry right now. I don't understand why. She was the one who broke up with me. I should be angry, but I'm not because I have Baz and he's all I care about.

"Well, I care. I don't want to see you like that. If there's anything wrong, you can always tell me and you know that," I breathe out, still watching her.

"I think Baz is with you just because he feels sorry for you. You lost all your magic, poor Simon. You're not the Chosen one anymore" she mutters like a wild animal and I roll my eyes.

"And I think you're jealous. You wanted Baz and now you can't have him. This is how I see it," I whisper and I can see tears falling down her face.

For few minutez I can hear only silence, then Agatha sobs.

"Look, Simon. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.. it's just... Everything is so bad now, I don't know what to do. Penny is my only friend and she's usually with you so I'm still alone. I'm sorry, Simon," she sinks her eyes at the ground. I nod.

"It's okay. I have to go if you wouldn't mind. Baz is waiting for me," I turn round and I walk to my room in silence. I don't care about the person who said he or she can bring me my magic back. It's probably just a prank.

Noone can bring my magic back to me and I know it too good to believe in something different.

When I wake up, the sun is shining and the sky is without any cloud. It's really beautiful winter morning, except it's not morning anymore. It's 1pm.

I came back to our room at around 1am and I was so tired and sad that all I could do was snuggle up to Baz's hand and finally close my eyes. And I had sleepless night after a long time. But I don't understand how could I sleep for so long.

I'm lying in Baz's bed. At first I thought Baz is not here, but then I see him sitting on my bed. He's reading a book and he doesn't notice I'm up.

"Baz?" I bite my lip while I'm looking at him.

"Oh! Look who finally decided to get his lazy ass out of bed," he smirks and puts the book away. I roll my eyes and I climb next to him. ,,You had sweet dreams about me, didn't you?"

I smile a little and then I face him.

And I realize something, while I'm looking into those beautiful eyes I'm in love with. His black hair is falling into his face, so I push it back.

I can't lie to him. I have to tell him the truth. About Ebb. About Agatha. About everything.

"I have to tell you something," I say. He looks at me with a serious expression on his face.

"Tell me then."

And then I tell him everything. I start with Ebb, then continue with sleeping pills I gave him (he looks a bit angry while I'm telling him about this) and then about Agatha.

"Well.. That doesn't make sense. Ebb's spirit can't appear to you right now. It's not the right time for it. Are you sure you saw her?" he asks. And I nod.

"Okay.. Then we will have to go to the Wawering Woods again, but not today," he states. He's face is pale as usual, but there's something other that really scares me.

I can see fear in his eyes. And Baz Pitch isn't afraid of anything.

I remember what Agatha told me last night.

Great. I can feel hot tears falling down my face right now. I'm crying in front of Baz again. He must be already tired of me. I've been crying a lot lately.

"Hey, Simon. Why are you crying?" he whispers and gently kisses my forehead. I smile a bit. I snuggle up to him, breathing in his nice smell.

"I just.. I can't live with the fact that my magic is gone, Baz. I feel so harmful now. I feel like I can't defend myself anymore. I feel like nobody," I sob and he quickly wipes my tears.

"Simon Snow. Stop talking like that. You're not nobody. At least not to me. You mean the world to me, do you understand?" he takes my hand in his and I squezze it a little. ,,And I will turn you into the vampire so you can defend yourself with your vampire superpower if you want."

I smile at him and then I hug him. He presses me closer to him.

"We'll figure everything out, don't worry my little powerless boy," he whispers and I can't help myself but I laugh.

"I'm not little, you desperate fuck," I mumble into his chest. He ruffles my hair and then he kisses it. I smile.


End file.
